Unpopular Opinion: I Hate Avocados
Ever since I was a child I have been uniquely repulsed by the avocado. I distinctly remember my mother force-feeding me a small bite of the disgusting green mush while assuring me that I "would like it." She was wrong. Since that day I have often referred to avocados as my kryptonite.
For a long time it was easy to avoid the avocado, as it was not the most popular fruit, but in recent years it has become obscenely popular, even infiltrating my favorite meal of the day, brunch. Not to mention the unending horrors of avocado toast. As such I have been forced to develop new strategies to avoid the dreaded avocado and endure the horrified stares of strangers as I boldly declare "no avocado please."
It’s hard to pinpoint what exactly it is about the avocado that disgusts me the most, its Godzilla-esque skin, the nauseating mushy innards, or just the fatty (I know, it’s “good” fat) taste. I suppose that it’s really just a combination of everything about the fruit that offends me. As demand for avocados has increased, my interactions with them have unfortunately followed suit.
Nowadays at brunch, I often find myself having to ask my server, in hushed tones, for “no avocado.” No one comes right out and says anything, but I can feel the eyes of a million millennials staring down on me as if I have committed some sort of heinous offense. I get it, you love avocados, they’re part of your identity, but I will not succumb to peer pressure.
Another dangerous meal for me is all-you-can-eat sushi. As many know it is often common practice for all-you-can-eat sushi rolls to be filled out with avocado to make them look bigger and satiate customers quicker. This makes navigating the menu especially difficult for anyone avocado averse, such as myself. I have definitely had one too many sushi rolls that claim to be filled with tuna, but are instead comprised mostly of, you guessed it, avocado.
And perhaps the most difficult to avoid avocado-based food is guacamole. Don’t get me wrong I love a taco or burrito just as much, maybe even more, than the next person but not when it has been slathered in the green slush commonly known as guacamole. Also, why would I ever consent to paying more for this not-at-all-enjoyable condiment?
I respect everyone’s right to choose to eat avocado and I hold nothing against anyone who does, for some unknown reason, enjoy the strange and unsavory fruit. However, I would like to ask for that same courtesy to be extended to those of us (namely me) on the other end of the spectrum. Surely there are others who would rather not overdose on omega-3 fatty acids at every meal. In any case, go forth and enjoy your avocado if you must, I won’t be having any, which really just means there will be more for you.